Fawnahareo’s Place

Jade uses a soother.  She has since she was about three months old, when I forced her to take one because I realized that on long car trips a soother was safer than sitting with my finger in her mouth and leaning over the carseat with my boob out got old really fast.

I didn’t foresee her using a soother for this long but once her seizures started I refused to take them away.  Her sleep was bad enough as it was and I wasn’t about to remove something that was a source of comfort for her.

But now it’s time.  The seizures are pretty well under control.  And her two bottom front teeth appear to have  slight inward lean.  Yes, they’re just her baby teeth, but baby teeth are placeholders for the adult teeth.  And anyway, she’s four.  It’s time.  Right?

And so we have introduced the soother fairy.  On Jade’s birthday last Saturday, we made a big deal out of putting the first soother into a net bag and hanging it up somewhere conspicuous.  Jade chose the chandelier above our dining table.  In the morning — surprise! — there was a stuffed bear.  Jade was delighted and named him “Mine”.

Last night, we put in the second soother.  As we were climbing the stairs, Jade said, “The soother fairy will bring me a monkey, alright?”  That made me laugh.  (The soother fairy brought her a toy iron instead — thanks NaiNai! — but she was very pleased with that, too, and insisted on bringing it to her motor therapy class to show off.)

I didn’t laugh, though, at 5 a.m. when I returned to my bed after a Halia feed and saw on the video monitor that Jade had woken up.  Her hands were frantically raking back and forth along the bed rail, searching for the extra soother that is always — until last night — waiting there in case the first one gets lost in the sheets.  After a minute of searching she curled up in defeat and started crying for me.

“Swiper!  *sob sob* Swiperrrrrrrr!!!” she cried.  (She’s Boots and I’m Swiper these days.  Michael is Dora *snicker* and Halia is, for some unfathomable reason, “My”.)

Her last remaining soother was right next to her, but she’d missed it in the dark.  She took it gratefully, then wanted to come sleep in the big bed.  She never sleeps well there (and as a result, neither do I) so I offered to stay with her for a few minutes instead.

She was very relaxed and peaceful as she lay there snuggled up to me.  I could hear the “snck, snck, snck” sound as she sucked on the soother.  And I thought, “Oh man.  This sucks.  What is going to happen when the last soother goes?”

I am worried, my friends, very worried.  Honestly, if it weren’t for her teeth, I’d let her keep her damn soother until she was twelve.

Dear Jade,

I know I must have sounded like the Birthday Grinch yesterday, but I really didn’t mean it that way.  We didn’t have a birthday party with cake, balloons, and loot bags, but it still turned out to be a really wonderful day.

Right after breakfast you got to open up your presents.  There was a little puppy that barks from Amanda (which you immediately loved and named Dora), the pink pot and packet of sunflower seeds from Papa and me, and then there was the Playmobil farm from Nai-Nai and Opa which was the biggest hit of all.  (I can’t blame you.  I want to play with it myself!)

I like how you really appreciated all your gifts.  While Christmas was fun, there were so many new things to play with, they all got a bit lost in a big jumble.  Today you really got to play with your new things and you couldn’t get enough of them.

Amanda and I had to coax you out of the farmhouse to put on your snowsuit so we could go out and meet your friends for sliding.  With four kids (plus Halia), four adults, five sleds, one GT racer, and two crazy carpets, there was always something and someone to slide with, and not too much of that pesky waiting around.  All the adults thought it was great when the three oldest kids (you included) had a “safety meeting” under the shelter of one of the trees to talk about skidoos and how to avoid hitting them.

Everyone came over for soup and fresh bread.  You got an “apple pie” with bacon on the side and I decided to put some birthday candles on the pie, so we all sang happy birthday.  That wasn’t really a planned part of the day and I was embarrassed when one of the kids asked if they would get to have cake, too.  Oops!  I think next year you will be old enough to help bake a cake and serve it to your guests.

After nap time (during which you didn’t nap at all, but played with Dora the dog instead) you got to play some more and then we planted your sunflowers.  You were very pleased to be giving “Snake” the watering-indicator worm a new place to live.

Finally, before bed, we hung up one of your three soothers on the lamp in the kitchen so that the Soother Fairy can come and take it away now that you’re FOUR years old.  We’ve been talking about the Soother Fairy for about a month now and you seem pretty excited about it.  (We’ll see what you think of it when the third and final soother goes into that bag about a week from now…)

All day long there were phone calls: from Auntie Nem, Nai-Nai and Opa, and Uncle Tim.  There was the video that your cousins made for you.  And there was the crazy Skype call with Gran and Buddy and the whole Milne gang, and a nice long Skype call with Papa, who really wished that he could be home with you.

Let me tell you, Jade, I was so proud of you for being in such a good mood all day, remembering to say thank you for all the gifts and well wishes, and happily sharing your new toys with your friends and your sister.  You must have known how special you are with all these people calling you, singing to you, and wishing you a happy birthday.  You must have felt how loved you are.

I think if we could just have had Papa here with us, it would have been a completely perfect day.  Happy birthday, my big girl!

Love, Mama

Tomorrow Jade will be turning four.  She has been looking forward to this and asking about it since at least as far back as Halia’s birthday.  We’ve been discussing it a lot because we do a lot of counting and talking about ages, and also because we’ve been preparing her for gving up soother.  (More on that another time.)

To mark the day, I’ve invited some of Jade’s friends to go sliding in the morning, with the option of having a bowl of soup and some fresh bread afterward.  But it’s not a party.  It’s not a party because (a) Michael’s out of town, and he’s upset enough about missing Jade’s birthday without also missing the official celebration, and because (b) I’m pretty ambivalent about the whole birthday party thing anyway.

We did have a party for Jade last year (just a few of her little friends from 3 families, but with all the parents along, it ended up being quite a crowd!) and I even make her a keto cake and our friend Deb made matching chocolate cupcakes for the other kids to enjoy.  It was fun, but really I  just wanted it to be about Jade getting a chance to visit friends.  Because she loves playing with other kids.

I don’t think she needs the extra presents, nor the hordes watching the unwrapping of presents, and goodness knows she doesn’t need any hullaballoo about cake.  And the whole “princess for a day” mentality just doesn’t sit well with me; fortunately she’s not old enough for that yet, but I certainly don’t feel the need to set the tone.

I don’t want to ignore  her birthday altogether, but I think at her age and at this stage, a little “playdate plus” is more than enough celebration.  She’s getting a couple of great presents in the morning, plus she’ll be able to look forward to another couple when Papa gets home.  I think she’ll feel pretty special, just knowing she can officially say she’s four.  And I’ll be sure to give my big girl lots of extra hugs and kisses, too!