Archive | June, 2008

Babywearing to the rescue

29 Jun

Jade in Amauti, November 2006It’s no secret that I’m a big fan of babywearing, and I have a number of devices for toting babies around.  My favourite is the amauti Michael had made for me in Pond Inlet, Nunavut, but it’s one I can use only in winter.  Which lasts long enough around here, anyway!

Jade’s starting to get a bit old to be carried everywhere, of course.  She enjoys going out in the stroller when we’re out for walks, but often she spends more than half the walk on her own two legs.  Often she likes to run off into tall grass or bushy trails where no stroller would dare go.  She takes after her dad that way, I guess.

I’ve experimented with various wraps and slings, but I have to say that so far my favourite is my Storchenwiege wrap.  Slings are simpler to use, but you can’t beat the flexibility of a wrap.  When Jade was born, I tried making one out of regular cotton because I didn’t want to spend what seemed like a fortune on something that appeared to be so simple; my make-shift wrap totally and completely sucked because it didn’t have the kind of give this wrap does.

Anyway, I don’t want to sound like a commercial, and I know there are other great wraps and slings out there, but I’m bringing it up because yesterday the wrap came in very handy.  I thought Jade’s wrap days were over, to be honest, but she was having a series of small seizures yesterday evening that had her very emotional. 

Oftentimes when she has a little seizure, she comes out of it and simply carries on with what she was doing, as if nothing had happened.  (Indeed, it’s quite possible that she has no idea that anything did happen.)  Other times, she gets sleepy.  And sometimes she gets cranky and emotional, and I can tell she’s uncomfortable and feeling out of it.  She can’t tell me how she’s feeling in words, but she cries and wants to cuddle and is very upset if I try to leave her for any reason.

Like, for example, if I’m in the middle of barbequeing a steak and frying potatoes, and I’m trying to go attend to them.  Which is what I was doing last night when Jade absolutely would not let me put her down without freaking out.  Since Michael’s still on the road (on his way home now, though — hooray!) I couldn’t call on him to take over the cooking.

So downstairs I went with Jade in my arms and dug out the wrap from the back of her closet.  I put her in a backpack carry (which Michael is demonstrating in the photo below, although he doesn’t have it tight enough, which is why he’s bent over).  Jade cuddled right up to my back with a doll in her arms.  When I went to check things out in a mirror to ensure she was secure (it’s been a while and my technique is rusty) she actually peeked her head out and giggled, a rather drastic contrast to the hysterical goings-on of a few minutes earlier.  I was able to finish cooking supper this way, and got the table all set and medications ready.  When I asked her if she was ready to eat, she said, “Mmm hmm!” agreeably and sat right down and ate with gusto. 

You may have heard of kangaroo care.  This is the practice of carrying babies around close to the Michael trying out the Storchenwiegemother’s (or father’s) body, with skin-to-skin contact.  Apparently premature babies who get kangaroo care tend to gain weight faster, learn to regulate their breathing sooner, and are released from hospital earlier than preemies who spend all their time in incubators.  Jade’s far from being a preemie, of course, but it is interesting what a calming effect it still is for her to be carried close.  Thank goodness for babywearing.

The halfway mark

28 Jun

Oops. Earlier this week, I wrote about Nugget’s kicking and how I’d be hitting 19 weeks on Friday.  I clearly have a case of mommy brain because I actually hit 20 weeks on Friday, which marks the halfway point of the pregnancy.  Where did the time go?  Oh, right, I was chasing a toddler around.

I had a dentist appointment yesterday, which was long overdue.  I don’t know why I’m so bad at making dentist appointments, considering I really don’t mind going.  Anyway, I was in the chair and it seemed that my legs were slightly above my head during the cleaning.  Nugget either really liked this, or really didn’t, ’cause I felt some really good kicks from him/her.  You know how on Wednesday I was 85% sure I was feeling little flutter kicks?  These were not fluttery kicks.  These were good jabs that said 100%-for-sure-and-for-certain, “Hey, Mama, I’m here!”

Can’t wait for the ultrasound on Monday!

Perfect Angel

28 Jun

When you’re playing in public, I think it’s important not to make excuses about why you’re not good or what’s wrong with your performance.  The audience is there to have a good time and listening to you being self-conscious makes everyone uncomfortable.

Somehow I don’t feel like my blog is playing in public, though; it’s more like playing for someone in my living room, where I’m free to cough and say, “Gah!  That garlic I had for lunch is drying up my throat.  Excuse me while I run and get some water.”

So, I’m going to share this song that I just wrote for Jade, but I am going to preface by saying that I realize the metaphor is tired.  I don’t think it’s a brilliant piece of music, although there is a line or two that I quite like.  It does express some of the things I’ve been feeling, so it’s been therapeutic for me.  And it’s therapeutic for me to share things with you, so I figured I’d do that, too.  Lyrics appear below the fold.

(more…)

Even better Yukon sunsets

27 Jun

I know a few of you come especially for the “life in the Yukon” content, so I couldn’t let this opportunity go by.  A photographer far better than I was out capturing the skies this past beautiful Wednesday night, so if you want to see what it was really like go on over and check out the three photos posted by Murray Lundberg on his ExploreNorth Blog.

Garden party

27 Jun

I’m trying to squeeze in as much performing as possible this summer because I know that I will be on hiatus for a while after Nugget makes his or her appearance. So when I heard about this Garden Party, I eagerly jumped onto the bandwagon. I’ll be doing background music, so there’ll be folks talking and eating while I play, but I don’t mind that. Besides, I get to partake in the dinner, and the menu sound fantastic (see below)! I’ll be playing from 5:00 to 5:40 — while soups and salads are being served, I believe.

Here’s the official invite:

YWIM Garden Party

Yukon Women in Music will be holding it’s 3rd Annual Garden Party on July 5th at 4:00 p.m. The evening will feature more than 8 Yukon women musicians and songwriters. A five-course meal will be served on the patio of the Stehelin Ranch B&B (40 Couch Rd).

Tickets are $50 each or $90 for two. They’re are available at: Unitech (cash & debit only), Arts Underground, and Well-Read Books.

Performers

Featured artists are:

  • Peggy Hanifan
  • Amanda Mervyn
  • Brenda Berezen
  • Natasha Nettleton
  • Asheya Hennessey
  • BJ MacLean

Background music will be performed by:

  • Cate Innish
  • Sonja Anderson
  • Fawn Fritzen

Menu

Appetizers
spanakopita, cheese puffs with strawberry sauce, savory puffs, grapes

Soup
veggie borscht

Salad
organic greens with caramelized pecans, apples, and honey mustard dill dressing

Main course
pork roast with morel mushroom/port wine/raspberry reduction, small roasted potatoes with rosemary and veggie casserole

Dessert
Mexican chocolate brownie with chocolate ganache and strawberry coulis

A vegetarian option is available upon request: contact Eva at 633-6482

Please e-mail yukonwomeninmusic@gmail.com for more info.

9-1-1 again

26 Jun

I had a nap on the couch last night and woke up at around 11:00 p.m., a pretty stupid thing to do because I still had to pack lunches and do other getting-ready-for-daycare-and-work things.  I ended up in bed at 1:00 a.m., and I was back up at 4:45.  I’d heard Jade moan a few times, and these days, I can’t just ignore moaning as normal “complaining that I’ve woken up for a few seconds” kinds of moans.

I went into her room and sure enough, she was lying on her tummy, soother in her mouth, in the midst of a little facial-twitching ragged-breathing type seizure.  It was over in about 15 seconds, and she moaned a bit more, then turned her face the other way, then started another seizure.  After a few of these, I plucked her out of her crib and brought her to my room to watch her more closely.  I could feel her burning hot through her PJs, and the seizures kept coming. 

I realized it was time to give her some of the Valium we’d been supplied with as an emergency measure to stop prolonged seizures.  I’d just been talking to the epilepsy nurse in Vancouver yesterday afternoon to confirm exactly when we should use the Valium, hoping, of course, that we’d never have to use it. 

I also took her temperature (with a brand-new thermometer I bought just yesterday afternoon, I might add, because I’d searched high and low for our other two and couldn’t find either; doubly handy because I’d tested it on her before she went to bed and I knew that she’d had a normal temperature then).  The thermometer read a whopping 38.5°C (~101°F).  I figured between the Valium and the temperature and the fact that she was shaking non-stop (hard to tell if from seizures or from the fever) I had better call the ambulance.

The dispatcher agreed with me and an ambulance arrived shortly thereafter, for the fourth time in a month.  By the time they got there, the Valium had done its job and the seizures had stopped, for which I was thankful.  I think I heard her first moan around 4:30 a.m., and by the time I’d administered the Valium it was getting close to 5:00, so it’s possible her seizures had been going on for up to 30 minutes.  I just kept hoping they would stop and I’d never administered the Valium before and was a bit worried about doing it.  (It’s given rectally, by the way, so you can imagine how much Jade enjoyed that.)

Anyway, at the hospital, they gave her a big dose of Tylenol to bring the fever down, but 45 minutes later, she was reading just over 40°C (~104°F), so they gave her some Motrin.  I’ve only given her Motrin once, when she was around a year old.  I’d given it to her around bedtime because she’d needed it, but I’d also hoped that it might also help her sleep.  instead, she played like a wind-up toy for three hours!  As you can imagine, I’ve never tried it again.  But at this point, it was clear she needed to take something.

The Motrin did seem to wind her up a bit this time, too, but at least it did the trick.  Her fever was pretty close to normal within the hour.

The other thing they did while we were at the hospital was to attach a little bag to her nether regions to get a urine sample.  It turns out that she probably has a urinary tract infection, so she’s now on Amoxicillan (which is what she was on last month for her ear infection) to clear that up. 

Have I mentioned how much I dislike excessive amounts of drugs? *sigh*

However, the important thing is that Jade seems to be back to normal again.  Tim came to pick us up and I went to retrieve the carseat from Norris’s car while Tim walked Jade from the hospital over to where Norris had parked downtown.  Once again I am grateful to live in such a small town, where everything’s just a few minutes away.  Also I am grateful that Tim is here; I had remembered to bring food for Jade, clothes, her medications, but as soon as we’d gotten settled in the ambulance I realized that I’d forgotten my purse.  So getting home would have been very difficult without him.  (Having said that, I’m starting to cave to Michael’s idea that we ought to have a second vehicle… ugh!)

Jade’s down for a nap now, and I really ought to be sleeping, too.  The three hours or so last night just doesn’t quite do it for me.

Yukon sunset

25 Jun

I’m probably the only one in the world who doesn’t much like the summer solstice, also known as the first day of summer.  It’s just that I find it a bit depressing that once we pass the longest day of the day, we’re on a slow descent into darkness again.  Not that I mind winter, but somehow I can’t shake the feeling that it’s more like the last day of summer if the days are starting to get shorter.

By the same token, I’m always excited at the winter equinox when we pass the shortest day of the year.  I don’t know if this makes me an optimist or a pessimist…

Anyway, getting shorter or not, we have fabulously long days now; in fact, it never really gets dark.  It’s 11:36 p.m. and the sun is just going down, and the view from my desk is fabulous.  The picture I took doesn’t fully capture the amazing glow of the sky behind the trees, nor the one tendril of cloud that highlights a column of light up to the denser ceiling above… but it’s still pretty cool.  I’m trying to savour this view now (despite the power lines, which the neighbourhood is talking about burying) because soon a two-floor shed/greenhouse will be built back here.  Perhaps I might still get to see sunsets like this through the glass of the greenhouse.

Enjoy!

Summer sunset in the Yukon

Nugget makes h__self known

25 Jun
(Since we don’t yet know if Nugget is a herself or a himself, and I just can’t bring myself to use the supposedly-becoming-accepted “themself”. Because I am a geek that way.)

The first flutters of baby’s kicks can be so hard to discern, but I’m 85% sure that I felt a few little jabs today!  I’m so excited!  I’ll be hitting 19 weeks on Friday, which is practically halfway.  There’s been so much going on during this pregnancy that I haven’t had much time to think about it and it feels like the time has just flown by.  (Okay, well, it wasn’t flying by when I was nauseated and heart-burny, but I haven’t felt either of those symptoms in a few weeks — hurrah!)

I love feeling baby kicks, so I’ve really been looking forward to this part of the pregnancy.  Remind me about that if Nugget decides to wedge a foot up into my ribcage the way Jade so often did.

I had a doctor’s appointment yesterday; I hadn’t been in almost 2 months and I didn’t realize that I was actually a bit tense about whether everything was going okay.  It was a pretty routine exam, except I saw Dr. Gillis instead of Dr. Gudapati.  Dr. Gillis was the emergency doctor when Jade was admitted to the hospital after her third tonic-clonic seizure, so we actually spent a lot of the appointment talking about how she was doing and how things went in Vancouver.  It was reassuring to hear Dr. Gillis say that there are lots of great drugs for controlling seizures and that we could expect to get them under control.  Just hearing someone say it with such confidence was nice.

Dr. Gillis then checked my fundal height and said, yup, I measure right around 18 weeks.  And then we got the Doppler out and there was Nugget’s heartbeat, thumping away reassuringly at about 144 bpm.

I weighed in at 161 lbs, and darnit, I forgot to ask what my initial weight was, so I don’t really know how much I’ve gained, but that’s 7 pounds in the last 8 weeks, so I think I’m on track.  How lovely to know that all seems well in Nugget’s world.

The numbers wizard

24 Jun

Jade’s current favourite book is Walter the Farting Dog.  Her current favourite song is “Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star” and she does her best to sing along, usually getting every few words like this: “stah… die-mun… sky!”  One of her current favourite activities is counting. 

I was trying to finish my supper tonight when Jade insisted she was done.  I kept shovelling food into my mouth with one hand and started raising my fingers one by one with the other hand.  She stopped telling me she was “stuck” in her chair and was mesmerized by my fingers.  And she started, well, we’ll call it counting.  I had to work hard not to laugh.  I asked if she would count for the camera, so here she is:

She’s such a ham; she knows that camera is on her!  I love how she knows she should finish counting a hand with either five or ten and when I put up yet another finger she’s not sure what to do.  Um, four?  Hahaha!  

Oh yes, and the clothespins on her t-shirt are such a fashion statement, no?  I took them out of my music bag, where I usually keep them for holding music onto a music stand when The Big Band does gigs outside.  Nothing sucks more than having your music blow away in the wind.  Anyway, Jade found them and wanted to wear them, so she got one on each sleeve and nine of them along her jeans cuffs.  The girl loves her bling.

It was a good day.  No seizures all day at daycare, and just a couple of really short twitchy ones in the evening.  And asleep by 7:30.  Oh yeah!

Thanks for all the great responses on the last post.  Some of them made me cry.  But in a good way.  I puffy heart you all.

Grieving the daughter I’ve lost

21 Jun

I was talking to a friend after coming home from Vancouver and told her that one of the most difficult things about this epilepsy thing is that up until now, for all intents and purposes, Jade was a perfect little girl. Little kids don’t act up on purpose, they just don’t know any better. And despite there having been hard times and long sleepless months, she’s such a happy, easy-going, social child that it was easy to shrug those times off as normal developmental things parents have to go through.

But now that she has epilepsy, it’s like she’s… broken.

Suddenly, I have a child who has special needs. It’s not quite as hard as having a newborn again, but going back to the inflexible sleep schedule and the constant vigilance, well, it is a step back.  Assumptions and expectations for her future (will she grow out of it? will she have trouble learning?) are suddenly in question.

Today was kind of a rough day; Jade was emotional, had more seizures than she’s had for the last three days, was on her second full day of potty training (6 puddles of pee, 1 pantload of poo, 0 drops of toddler sewage actually in the potty) and she also had a couple of accidents (not the potty-training kind) that made me cringe.  After lunch, she somehow pulled a dining room chair over onto herself, tipping her backwards.  It would have been bad enough to have her land on the floor with a chair on top of her, but she also hit the back of her head on the wooden rocking horse when she landed.  Then, after supper, she asked for a bottle, which I gave her.  Thank God I gave her a plastic one instead of glass.  As we headed over to the living room couch to cuddle, she had a short but very strong seizure that caused her arms to jerk forward, flinging the bottle away from her.  She lost her balance while the bottle bounced off the wall and came to rest exactly where her forehead was on its way to meet the floor.  If she doesn’t end up with a black eye, she’ll at least have a lovely big bump on her eyebrow and nosebridge to show off for a week or so.

I might just add here that I am paranoid about head injuries (besides, God knows Jade’s brain doesn’t need any more trauma right now).  I grew up terrified of head injuries.  I have an uncle who, as a small child, was thrown off a tricycle by a bully; the blow to his head apparently caused some brain damage because learning became a much bigger struggle for him ever after.  Perhaps it was this that made my mom extra vigilant, but her frequent warnings made me scared to have even a little bump to the head, lest I lose a few IQ points.  In our house, we were warned to never land on our heels when jumping, because the jarring would travel up our spines and could hurt our brains; I have no idea if there’s any truth in this, but I cringe whenever I see anyone land this way.

Anyway, it was a tough day, and I decided it was a good time to make a phone call for support.  My friend Yukon Jen put me in touch with another woman whose daughter started having seizures about 18 months ago.  It was great to connect with her, although we had to keep our chat rather brief because that very daughter was asking her to do some crafts with her.  Ann was very comforting in some ways, but our conversation also made me realize that in many ways I’ve been waiting for this all to be over sometime soon, even though I know better.  That’s probably one reason today was so hard on me; after three good days with very few seizures, going backwards was traumatic.  But that’s how this thing goes. 

Another thing Ann said was that having a child with seizures changes a lot of expectations and that she’d had to grieve over that, and maybe even still is grieving.  That struck a chord with me because even though I’d told my friend that it felt like Jade was “broken”, I hadn’t thought of it as grieving something I’d lost.  The frustrations of the day came to a head and I had a good ol’ cry after we hung up.

I know I need to keep things in perspective, that there are worse things that could happen.  Ann also said that even though it’s hard to have a daughter with epilepsy, she’s glad that her daughter is with her and not someone else, because she can take care of her.  Michael said something similar last week.  At least Jade has two strong parents who can lean on each other.  Even if one is a big cry-baby after the baby goes to bed.

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