Michael and my mom are downstairs watching a movie. Halia is having a very sleepy day, and I’ve actually had to wake her up for feedings. It’s the perfect time to write a blog post, but I have so many thoughts in my head, I don’t know where to start. I have 28 unread messages in my Inbox, 128 unread posts in my feed reader (and that’s after spending the last 2 hours reading). I know I’ve got to write down the birth story before the details fade from my mind; it’s likely I’ve already forgotten lots of things. Certainly, living with a newborn this past week has brought back many memories of Jade’s first days, details I had forgotten, like:
- Just how floppy a newborn baby is
- How sweet it is to have a contented baby full of milk curled up on your shoulder
- How many facial expressions a baby has, even while asleep
- How many of those facial expressions make me think, “She looks like a little old man!”
Halia is, so far, a very placid baby. She does howl when we change her diaper, and she definitely did not enjoy being pricked in the heel for her PKU test, but otherwise, she cries very little. Although she was very attached to my boobs for the first two days, since my milk has come in she’s been a great little feeder and sleeper. I know it’s still early days, but for now I’m counting my blessings.
It’s interesting being a mother of two. In this first week, I have found that I love my two girls differently. I’m not feeling guilty about it and things may yet change, but I never thought I’d feel different kinds of love for my two kids.
With Jade, I felt a powerfully strong connection almost from the first moments, and I remember looking at her and having such intense feelings of love that it made me cry. I often still feel that way, like the other night when she couldn’t sleep and I climbed into her big girl bed with her and she hugged me so hard I almost couldn’t breathe.
With Halia, I have more of a feeling of tenderness and protectiveness. It’s not that I don’t love her as much, but it’s somehow a gentler love. I mentioned this to Heather at one of her follow-up visits and she said this is something she often hears from second-time moms. Like we’ve learned how to survive that crazy, intense love the first time around and are somehow more sensible with the next one.
Am I going to get into trouble for saying that out loud? in print?
