And now for a poop tale

31 Mar

I’ve had this deep philosophical post planned out in my head for weeks now, but haven’t got round to committing it to, er, pixels. These things take time. But here’s a post about  this morning, as told to my sis via Skype. Because I notice the last post I did was about pee, so of course we’ve got to up the ante. Be sure to picture it all clearly in your mind for maximum comedic effect.

So Nem and I were just chatting about summer plans, like so…

[8:08 AM] {blah, blah, blah, plan, plan, plan, plot, plot, plot}

[8:09 AM] Fawn: hang on – poo emergency

[8:09 AM] Nemmy: I keep telling him the Dempster will still be there later ;)

[8:09 AM] Nemmy: we’ll discuss it over breakfast… and no problem, poo comes first haha

….

[8:19 AM] Fawn: well, that was fun :P

[8:20 AM] Nemmy: the poo emergency?

[8:20 AM] Fawn: yeah

[8:20 AM] Nemmy: what happened?

[8:20 AM] Nemmy: (baby just knocked the castle over… she’s such a brute… lol)

[8:20 AM] Fawn: Halia was in the bathroom crying and I asked her if she was okay

[8:20 AM] Fawn: She said, “Waahhhh, I got poo on it!”

[8:20 AM] Fawn: brb – bacon needs flipping

[8:21 AM] Fawn: Okay, so I go into the bathroom, and there’s runny yellow poop all over the floor in front of the toilet

[8:22 AM] Fawn: Halia’s upset that she didn’t make it to the toilet

[8:22 AM] Nemmy: awwww

[8:22 AM] Fawn: there was no toilet paper left on the roll

[8:22 AM] Nemmy: awwww

[8:22 AM] Fawn: (all in the toilet)

[8:22 AM] Nemmy: bahahaha

[8:22 AM] Fawn: and so she took a brand new roll out

[8:22 AM] Nemmy: wait, she put the toilet paper in the toilet???

[8:22 AM] Fawn: Yes, she tried to clean up the mess

[8:22 AM] Fawn: by herself

[8:22 AM] Fawn: and the poop was smeared everywhere

[8:23 AM] Fawn: got it all over herself, of course

[8:23 AM] Nemmy: lol

[8:23 AM] Fawn: and on the newspaper that was on the floor that I hadn’t had a chance to read yet

[8:23 AM] Fawn: (darn you, Michael!)

[8:23 AM] Nemmy: ah, the glamour of motherhood

[8:23 AM] Fawn: and the brand new roll of toilet paper was in the puddle of poop

[8:23 AM] Nemmy: lmao

[8:23 AM] Nemmy: a perfect storm

[8:23 AM] Fawn: :D

[8:23 AM] Fawn: Poor Halia

[8:24 AM] Nemmy: ok, i better get baby all dressed

[8:24 AM] Fawn: K – ttyl

[8:24 AM] Nemmy: give her a hug from me

[8:24 AM] Fawn: Okay

[8:24 AM] Nemmy: loooove you

[8:24 AM] Fawn: Looooooooove you more

4 Responses to “And now for a poop tale”

  1. allmycke March 31, 2012 at 11:32 am #

    I can assure you that an entire can of Johnson’s Baby Powder sprinkled all over the furniture, carpeting, kitchen counters, baby room and toys was even worse. It stuck for weeks – I think I found the last traces a year later when I flipped over some LP’s.

  2. Opa March 31, 2012 at 12:12 pm #

    You haven’t done a post on puke yet. Does that come before pee and poo or after or in between?

    I am all with Halia. Reminds me of my train ride from Chengdu to Guilin last September. They have those Japanese-style toilets in the slow trains in China – you know, where you squat over a hole? The first challenge is to squat in such a way that none of your clothing touches anything in contact with the train, because it is all splattered with unsavoury stuff. The second challenge is toilet paper. I should have been warned! Before I went, one of the girls selling toothpaste in the train came back and reported that she had just dropped her mobile phone into “the hole”, and the discussion revolved around the chances of retrieving it intact. I rated those chances at 50/50, considering the slow speed of the train. The main challenge would be walking along the track for 50 km trying to find it.

    Thus prepared, I entered the washroom with my only pack of kleenex tissue in my money belt. Since my limbs are not designed for squatting Chinese style, I had to hang on to a steel rail attached in front of the hole, which was probably put there after too many Europeans had fallen into the hole with their butts. This left me with just one hand for everything else. So I put the tissue pack on the window sill and went about my business. I had failed to consider that the window was opened a crack for ventilation, which led to a gust of wind picking up the tissue pack and blowing it right into said hole. I actually did not notice until I wanted to pick it up, and found the spot on the window sill, where I had left it, gapingly empty.

    I looked around in panic, since anything going into that hole ends up on the tracks, and without paper, I would have been snookered, as my consistency that day was like Halia’s in this post.

    I had visions of stripping off my t-shirt and turning it into a bum wiping cloth, but Mother Guanyin must have held a protective hand over that pack, because it had fallen into the hole horizontally, and was just a bit too large to slide through in that position. Not only that, but the packaging foil had closed up over the pack so that the insides were still quite serviceable. After rinsing off the outside with some water (coming out of a pail and ladle contraption meant for “flushing”), the tissues were still useable.

    Pheeewww – that had been a close one. Those are the situations where you wish you could just cry and Mama would come to fix it all for you.

  3. wenttokugluktuk March 31, 2012 at 3:06 pm #

    ahahahahah I love it!!!!

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. This is not a post about puke « Fawnahareo’s Place - April 1, 2012

    [...] think my dad was trying to curse me yesterday, in the first sentence of the comment he left on my post. He remarked that although, yes, I had done a post on pee, and then one about poop, I [...]

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