So I work two and half days a week.  That means I change out of my pajamas before 10 a.m. at least two days a week.  It means I put on makeup, pretty skirts, and heels (although it’s the Yukon, so I’m just doing that because I like to, dammit), and sit at an organized space that no one else touches.

I will admit that I was not exactly looking forward to going back work.  “This is not going to make life simpler,” I thought to myself.

But.  I like the people I work with, I enjoy the department I’m in, and I’m excited about some of the projects I’ll be taking on over the next few months.  So it’s been better than I thought.  It’s been nice, actually.

Then again, I’ve been working on getting my head out of the “just half-time” space.  Because I’m only half-time, so I don’t deserve a good spot in the geography of cubicles.  I’m only half-time, so how can I ask for a new whiteboard, coat rack, or that second monitor everyone in the group has (because we’re a bunch of techies, after all)?  Nobody’s making me feel this way; it’s all in my own head.  My boss has told me not to think of myself as just half an employee, so I’m getting over it, but, yeah…

I’ve been out of the office for nearly two years.  I can hardly believe it.  And, of course, lots of things are the same.  But a lot of things are different.  And the group of people I work with has changed a bit.  And I’m a bit of an outsider.  And I feel it.

But I’m probably feeling it too much because, for God’s sake, I’m totally PMSing and isn’t that the stupidest timing of all?  But at least I realize it and I can give myself a mental slap and tell myself to smarten up, they didn’t all go for their coffee break together without inviting you just to spite you, you twit.  Suck it up and go get your own coffee.  Mmmm, yummy, that’s better.

I’m working my butt off, even when I’m not at work.  Not that I was lazing about before, but I am now more disciplined at home.  The dishes get done every single night come hell or high water because there will be no way to get them done in the morning.  I usually have one or two of Jade’s meals made because it makes the kids’ day go smoother.  Often this means I’m in bed far later than I want to be.  I’m working on that.  (But where is the time for blogging, I ask you?  Where?!)

Oh yeah, and there’s Halia, who is definitely having some separation anxiety.  She’s had me home with her for almost two years.  Spoiled is not at all the right word, but I can’t think of a better one.  You know what I mean, right?

But on my days home, I enjoy both the kids even more.  I miss them when I’m at work, which I honestly didn’t expect to.  Our time together is sweeter, and a big reason is because I don’t have to be with the everysingleminuteoftheday.

So yeah, it’s a mixed bag.  But overall?  It’s good.

(At least so far…)

So, here are the answers:

• Dun dun!  = all done!
• Bla-blo = canteloupe (and also watermelon… not sure how she knew they were both melons!)
• Ba-ba-ee = blueberry (and also strawberry)
• Deddy = cherry
• Up-a-ba = star (This is one her earliest words, and she says it because of the “up above” part of “Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star”)
• Mao = cat (I transcribed this wrong, though.  She really does say “meow”. )
• Mimi  = Halia’s blue lovey blanket that she sleeps with every night.  I made up the word Mimi for her because it’s easy to say.
• Moke = milk
• Udda  = other (Yes, sometimes used to ask for the “other” breast, but usually she just points to the other one and says “booby”.  Shockingly direct.)
• Bush = brush (Remember, it was the short ”u” sound from bun… or brush) either the tooth or hair variety
• Boons!  = spoon… and also balloon
• Foke  = fork
• Bah-bo = bubble and also bottle

Here are a few more I thought of after I posted last time.  Want to give these a try?

• Oo-la (this is an animal)
• Emmo (a food)
• Peez!
• Noo-noo (another food)
• Ow-ss (a place)
• Gwa-gwa (an animal)
• Bug!
• Wuck
• Wocky!
• G’an!

In order to preserve some of the sweetness, here is a sample of her favourite baby expressions.  See if you can guess what they mean.

• Dun dun!
• Bla-blo (hint: it’s a fruit)
• Ba-ba-ee (also a fruit)
• Deddy (another fruit — Halia loves fruit!)
• Up-a-ba (heh, you’ll never get that one!)
• Mao
• Mimi
• Moke
• Udda
• Bush (with a short “u”, as in “bun”)
• Boons!
• Foke
• Bah-bo

I can’t quite recall how she says piano, but I do know it’s adorable. 

Oh, there’s so much to say about my little whirlwind (who broke a temple off my glasses yet again, by the way!).  Like how she loves both broccoli AND cauliflower. Like how she’s constantly been roaring these past few days, pretending to be a scary tiger (which makes Jade run away).  How she uses the potty (almost every time) when we let her run naked, yet wets her pants in minutes if she isn’t diapered.  How she plays with Jade, taking turns, or sometimes not, and how they’ll say sorry and kiss to make up.  How she wacks her head and shouts “Hat!” whenever we go out and I don’t give her all her required items fast enough.  How independent she is.  How she sings five or six different tunes, no words, of course, but perfectly in key.

That little monkey makes life so much more challenging… and so much brighter at the same time.

Besides the preschool teacher, Jade’s physiotherapist, speech-language pathologist, and child psychologist were also there to observe and to “play” with her.  While she was busy doing an activity with one therapist, the rest of us would talk about how the program will work, how the keto diet might affect preschool activities, and skills Jade needs to work on.  I was asked if there were any particular skills I wanted the teachers to emphasise.

One thing I mentioned was working on Jade’s group social skills.  She’s happy to initiate a conversation with one adult or one child, but if there is a group of unfamiliar children playing, it’s sometimes painful (for me) to watch how she tries to enter into the group.  I want things to go well and there’s not much I can do to help enter into the game.

As the words left my mouth, I suddenly realized that the situation I described is one that I’m terribly awkward in.  I hate going to gatherings where everyone else knows each other and everyone’s too busy talking to notice that I’m on the fringes.  It’s an intimidating scenario, even as an adult.  Am I asking a little too much of my four-year-old, or am I just hoping that she can be taught skills early on that haven’t come easily to me?  (In fact, is it possible that she already handles the situation better than I do? Yes, yes it is.)

I said as much, and the language pathologist laughed in recognition.  “Sometimes when I’m in schools working with groups of kids on these types of skills I stop and wonder, ‘Am I a good friend?  Do I know how to do the things that I’m teaching these kids to do?’”

Nice to know I’m not alone.

Well, regardless of whether Jade gets to practice this particular skill, I just know that she is going to love going to her school.  Bring on the school year!

P.S. Everyone was very impressed with Jade’s language development over the summer.  The speech-language pathologist was excited that Jade can make rhymes.  A happy Mama moment, indeed!

Highlights for the last few weeks:

• Visiting with Gran and Buddy (Michael’s parents)
• Playing tourist in our own town by visiting the Beringia Centre, the S.S. Klondike (as documented by Michael), and the Takhini Hotsprings
• Sailing on Atlin Lake (check out Michael’s picture-ful posts of Day 1, Day 2, Day 2 continued, Day 3, and Day 4)
• Letting Jade ride our neighbour’s horse, which she took to like a duck to water.  Everyone exclaimed that she was so comfortable on Rocky, it was clear she is destined to be a rider.  I wish I weren’t so darned allergic to them.  (Horses, that is, not riders.)
• Lots of musical activity, including playing at Arts in the Park twice.  The second time at Arts in the Park I was part of the finale show, which was broadcast on CBC radio, which was exciting and terrifying all at the same time.
• Having a girlie morning with my mother-in-law getting pedicures
• Trying to mentally prepare myself for returning to work which starts… tomorrow!  Ack!

As you can see, Michael has been blogging, and I have not.  However, somebody has to do the dishes.  Plus Marian and I were too busy visiting with each other while Michael and his dad worked away on their respective computers.

I had to take Gran and Buddy to the airport today after what seemed like and all-too-short visit.  (I must insert here that I completely lucked out when it comes to in-laws.  I love Michael’s family!)  They were flying out on the very aircraft that brought up four more visiting family members: my aunt, uncle, and two cousins from Germany.

I am so happy that these guys have tacked on a few extra days to their three-week holiday in the US of A just to visit me.  I also find myself at a loss to explain to them why I love living here.  They’re bewildered as to why so many Germans come to the Yukon every summer and wonder what the heck there is to do around here, anyway.  How can anyone stand to live so far away from everything?  (Just what exactly is the “everything” that is missing?)

Of course, the stuff that you do when you live here is not necessarily the same as the stuff that you do when you are a tourist, and the answers get all jumbled up in my mind.  But either way, I truly cannot comprehend the idea of being bored in Whitehorse.  I know I’m a bit of a Debbie Domestic these days, what with cooking, sewing, dog-walking, child-rearing, and some flirtations with gardening, and that might not be everyone’s cup of tea.  But, the music scene here is amazing.  Okay, not everyone loves jazz as I do, but there’s also folk, rock, country, classical, and hip-hop, just to name a few.  We have belly-dancing.  We have breakdancing.  We have roller derby.  We have a kick-ass recreation centre with swimming, yoga, soccer, hockey, skating, volleyball, and Lord knows what else.  It’s true that we don’t have a Princess of Wales Theatre, but there is theatre and there is film, with some pretty awesome cutting-edge stuff happening.  We have artists and artisans galore.  And history.  And culture.  And community.  (Okay, so that’s not something to do, per se, but I’m reeling myself in from a full-on lecture here.  And I haven’t even mentioned the hiking or other “bush” activities.)

Anyway, I’ve got two days to show them what the Germans, Austrians, Swiss, and Japanese flock here to see every summer.  Just a whiff, if not a taste, of Yukon life.  In between some good old-fashioned visiting, of course.

Oh, right, and that going-back-to-work thing.

It was 6:05 p.m. and despite the crackers, oranges, and other tidbits Halia had been snacking on during supper prep, she was just a little eager to have more food.

(And yes, she is well aware that we are supposed to take off the plastic wrap and wax first.  She loves throwing these in the garbage.)

The post-mortem assessment… I don’t want to think about where that missing bit of plastic went.

Last weekend I was motivated to try, though, so I Googled “gluten-free” banana bread and came up with a winner on my first click.  The recipe came from Pattycake.ca, and I am copying it here, noting the slight changes I made.

Easy Gluten-free Banana Bread from Pattycake.ca

Ingredients / Directions:

Combine:

• 1 c brown rice flour
• 1 c corn flour (not cornmeal) or brown rice flour
• 2 Tbsp starch (tapioca starch or corn starch)
• 1/2 tsp sea salt
• 1/2 tsp baking soda
• 1 tsp gluten-free baking powder

Combine separately:

• 3 med-lg very ripe bananas – mashed
• 2 eggs (If making this vegan, soak 5 tsp flaxmeal in 6 tbsp hot water for five minutes and add to wet ingredients.  also increase baking powder to 1-1/2 tsp and add another half a banana.)
• 1/3 c honey, maple syrup, or agave nectar (or 1/2 c sucanat or brown sugar)
• 1/2 c milk or milk substitute
• 2 tsp vanilla
• 1/4 – 1 tsp freshly grated lemon or orange zest (optional — but not really)
• 1/2 c chopped walnuts, pecans, chocolate chips, chopped dates, apricots, or other dried fruit (optional)
• a few dashes of cinnamon and nutmeg

Mix wet and dry until just incorporated. If adding nuts/chocolate/fruit, fold it into batter. Pour into a generously greased and dusted loaf pan (I use a glass pan). Bake at 350 for about 55min – a toothpick inserted in center should come out clean.

If using all honey or agave nectar, your loaf may brown too quickly. If you notice this, lower the oven to 325 and/or loosely cover the top of the loaf with some foil.

Quite a few of my non-gluten-free friends tried this loaf, and everyone agreed that it was yummy!  I tried it last week with all rice flour (half brown, half white) and today I tried it with half corn flour, which I preferred, but I’d take it either way.  Mmmm, pass the vegan margarine, please.  (Or butter for me!)

These new projects were all dresses —I am obssessed with dresses this summer!  I discovered a couple of years ago that if you can’t find shorts that fit (and don’t ride up!) a nice skirt will do the job.  So a dress is just an extension of that, right?  Besides, you don’t have to find a top to go with the skirt.

I didn’t bother doing before pictures, so you only get the “and after” part of the story, I’m afraid.  No one was around to do the before pictures and I was too impatient to just get started.  But TRUST ME, they all needed help.

These “after” photos were done my friend Leslie Leong, who happens to be a professional photographer.  (You can check out her books here!)  She is so awesome — we laughed all the way through this photo shoot.

This green number was given to me to use as a maternity dress, and it’s wonderfully light and summery, very comfy to wear on a hot day.  The elastic shirring was a bit old and tired and I found the spaghetti straps unflattering.  I started by adding the daisy chain (which I picked up for $5) to disguise the frayed edge, then tightened up each side of the bodice.  Finally, I added a wee bit of yellow ribbon to the straps to make them wider and add a hit of colour.

This skirt started out as a size 16 dress.  I spotted it at Sally Ann and fell head-over-heels in loooove with the fabric.  When I started working on it, I realized that the bodice wouldn’t work without a serious makeover beyond my skill level, so I changed plans and turned the thing into a skirt.  Since the material is stretchy, it simply pulls on and off.  I love simple!  I made the belt by sewing some red satin ribbon to a length of woven strap material and adding a few embellishments.  The belt loops were easy to make, since I still had the spaghetti straps left over from the dress.

This dress doesn’t look like much, but it’s one of my favourites because it slips on easily and is a lightweight denim which means it can put up with all sorts of abuse.  It was a great find because all I had to do was shorten it and take it in a bit, which I did by cutting it straight up the back and then sewing it smaller.  I added a couple of darts for minor shaping in the back and it was all done.  It’s wrinkled because it had been sitting in the dryer, having just the previous day made a trip to the local water park with the girls.  (I slipped in a puddle of clay and landed on my tushie!)  The buttons on the side mean I can still get boob access when Halia demands it (which she does!) and can I just add that pockets are totally awesome?

This is another favourite.  I bought it without even trying it on because I was so obssessed with the stripy fabric.  You can’t tell from this far away, but the skirt is cut on the bias so that the stripes are diagonal, meeting in the middle.  Whoever sewed this really paid attention to the details — all the stripes match up!  Unfortunately, besides the very functional zipper down the back, there was an ugly, ugly white zipper down the middle of the bodice.  When unzipped, it revealed an even uglier white mesh-like material.  (It was trying so hard to be sexy and coming off way gross instead.)  (Or maybe it was sexy in the 80′s?)  There was a long strap included with the dress, meant to be used as a sash.  I cut some of it off and — after removing the yucky mesh — I used the sash material to disguise the zipper.  I took in the sides a bit, shortened the skirt, adjusted the straps, added a couple of darts to the front, and — whew! — was finally done.  Besides being cute, the awesomest thing is that with that zipper in the chestal area, I’ve got a perfect nursing dress!

Here’s the last one.  Before I fixed this one up, it was so wide on me that those sweet little ruffled sleeves looked like ridiculous cherub wings trying to take to the air.  I cut the dress up the back and removed, I’m not kidding, a 12-inch-wide strip of fabric.  I removed the ties that were sewn into the seam and used leftover fabric from the back to turn the ties into a longer sash, which I attached right below the bust (as you can see).  The little bit of ruffle from the bottom of that extra swath of fabric became a wee pocket, perfect for holding a cell phone or keys.  Finally, I remembered that I had a few daisies left over from the green dress above.  I had exactly three — one to cover each of the black buttons at the neckline, and one to embellish the pocket.

I can’t resist adding one last picture Leslie took, one of Jade making mischief in the garden while I was changing outfits.  I’ve been busy making cute things this summer, but she’s definitely one of the best things I’ve ever made in my life.

Halia’s got a pretty decent vocabulary considering her 20 months.  A good portion of her vocabulary naturally consists of body parts, and she gets a lot of joy out of identifying them.  Some body parts can really only be observed and explored when going diaper-free, of course, and Halia makes the most of being bare-bummed.

Tonight as I was diapering her for bedtime she was grabbing her bottom and shouting out “bum!” with glee. 

“Yes, bum,” I agreed, fiddling with diaper tabs.  The next logical thing was for her to put her hands on her vulva, which she did.  “And what’s that called, Halia?” I asked her, though I know she knows the word very well.

Which is why I was rather surprised when she answered instead, “Meow!”

(Well.  I guess that works, too.)