Gross vegetables

5 Jun
Okay, I know that I shold be doing something productive, like writing thank you cards, or at least getting some sleep, since Jade is in bed, but I couldn’t resist making one more posting.  Because someone will thank me for saving them from the vegetables.
Getting ready for bed, I realized I was thirsty, so I thought I would make some juice.  Naturally, in order to do this, I had to clean out the vegetable crisper.  (What, you don’t clean out the vegetable crisper before making juice?  No?  Okay, well, there is a good reason I had to clean it out, but that’s just a long story that has absolutely no bearing on the real plot here.)
There were only two things in the vegetable crisper: part of a Chinese cabbage and part of an English cucumber.
I admit I’m afraid of the Chinese cabbage.  It hasn’t been eaten because I think it might give Jade gas.  This particular Chinese cabbage has been sitting in the vegetable crisper since my mom’s visit.  Three months ago.  And it Still. Looks. Perfect.  That’s scary.  What kind of weird pesticide or preservative could possibly be on the thing that it is still absolutely fresh-looking after three months?  I’ve taken it out of the fridge but I’m trying to decide whether it should go into the compost or into the garbage with the rest of the toxic waste we put in there.
The cucumber has been in the crisper for a couple of weeks.  It does not look perfect.  In fact, when I took it out of the crisper, it was feeling decidedly un-crisp — one might even say it was soggy.  Perfect composting material.  I removed the plastic wrap from the cut end and tried to squeeze the vegetable out of it’s plastic coat.  This sometimes works for slightly soggy cucumber.  But not this time.  This time, a tiny hole formed at the end of the plastic coat and I was therefore thoroughly sprayed with decayed cucumber juice.
It’s enough to put anyone off her vegetables.

3 Responses to “Gross vegetables”

  1. Nemmy June 6, 2006 at 4:14 am #

    Ewwwwwww…. but have you stopped to think that your crisper is amazing? I\’ve had a head of lettuce in mine for a good month or more, and it\’s still beautiful. Not that I\’m planning to eat it, mind you…

  2. Peter June 7, 2006 at 8:20 pm #

    It is a well-known fact that the cucumber may eject its internal organs when startled by a potential predator:
    I suggest approaching your next cucumber in a calm and non-threatening manner. A low, soothing tone of voice combined with slow rhythmic movements will gain its trust, at which point you should be able to hack it to bits with a big knife.

  3. Fawn June 7, 2006 at 10:47 pm #

    LOL – you\’ll have to show me your moves when we see you in July, Peaeater.

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