She soars

11 Mar

I got some sad news today from a friend who got pregnant right around the time I had my miscarriage. She helped me a lot through that tough time because I felt I could share all my sadness with her; it was also therapeutic to focus on her happy news and excitement. Unfortunately, today she found out that she lost her baby. She’s devastated and I can’t even begin to say how sad I am for her and for her whole family.

It reminded me about a post I’ve been mulling over for some time but haven’t written, the one with the song I wrote to help me process my miscarriage. I think this is it.

Back in January, I was using Google Images to find a picture of a GT snow racer and ended up on a blog post that was several years old. The blog had been started by a woman who was expecting her first child. After reading a few of the old entries, I clicked on the masthead to see the most recent post. The most recent post was a year old and linked to the writer’s new blog, but the one right before it told the story of her daughter Ava’s birth. It was a heartbreaking read because Ava died only 7 hours after she was born.

I clicked over to the new blog and — happily! — was greeted by a picture of a gorgeous one-year-old boy. Karla still blogs, and many of her posts are about her beautiful son Nate. That blog is now one of my regular reads.

In exploring the blog, I found a poem that Karla had written for Ava, which she entitled “She Soars“. I’d been wanting to create something to honour the little baby we never got to meet, but I wanted it to be hopeful rather than depressing. Karla’s poem was exactly what I needed to experience. I started out thinking I’d set Karla’s poem to music, but my laptop died and I couldn’t get back on the web, so instead I wrote some new words based on the idea she had given me.

Michael took this recording for a me a couple of weeks ago and I wasn’t entirely happy with the take, but the camera batteries were dying and now he’s out of town, so I guess I’ll live with it. The video quality is lousy because I compressed it so much (slow Internet connection from my oooold computer) but I kinda like the underwater effect, don’t you?

This song is dedicated to Karla, Ava, Stacie, Bobbi, Amanda, Heather, and all of our little angels.

(Here’s a direct link to the YouTube page in case the embedded file doesn’t work for you: http://ca.youtube.com/watch?v=qIxhrAgeHyo)

She Soars

You can float, you can fly
To the heavens so high
Still you will never fly too far from me
You can sing, you can sigh
But you’ll never have to cry
As my love holds you up like a boat on the sea

You can laugh, you can love
As you watch from up above
You will never have this weight to drag you down
You are pure, you are free
You are all that you can be
And my music holds you up on a river of sound

Soar so high
You’re still mine
Tears for you are true
She soars so high
On wings divine
You’re in my heart
So fly, soar so high

You’re a hope, you’re a dream
You’re the one who’s never been
To a place where hurt and pain can bend you low
Like a spark, like a star
I love everything you are
So soar, my little angel, I’m letting you go

Soar so high
You’re still mine
Tears for you are true
Yes, she soars so high
I’m so glad that you can fly
You are in my heart
So fly, now soar so high

— January 9, 2008

Copyright © Fawn Fritzen, 2008

12 Responses to “She soars”

  1. Lindsay March 12, 2008 at 4:09 am #

    Beautiful.

  2. Chris March 12, 2008 at 4:19 am #

    So beautiful Fawn.

  3. Marian March 12, 2008 at 5:59 am #

    Very moving…..don’t know why you have any doubts about your song-writing abilities! Many of us can relate to this.

  4. Nita March 12, 2008 at 8:24 am #

    very beautiful. very moving. I had to remove myself to the wellness room here at work and have a good long cry because your song released feelings of loss and grief over my little dog, pebbles. you are truely gifted.

  5. Karla March 12, 2008 at 10:47 am #

    Wow Fawn. Your voice is stunning and this song is so incredibly moving and beautiful. Thank you, deeply, for sharing it.

  6. Dad March 12, 2008 at 12:02 pm #

    I can only second “all of the above”. I am proud of you🙂

  7. Sharon March 12, 2008 at 5:34 pm #

    Wow, I am watching idol while blogging – think you should try out. What a beautiful song! I am touched and also amazed that you could sing this song without breaking down with a more tears (like the ones running down my face)…. thought I would also pass this along, I am familiar with the blog you wrote about… I think they reference a website that is about friends helping friends through miscarriage…

    http://www.OurHopePlace.com I have used it a number of time for comfort, content, and purchased a few bracelets.

    Have you contacted anyone like resolve or the website above about sharing your song with them – not sure if you want to, but might be an interesting idea. Your song is beautiful, I am sure it could help many people. Thank you for sharing! It helped me!

  8. yukonchatterbug March 13, 2008 at 6:51 am #

    Fawn,

    You have an incredible voice, and your song is absolutely beautiful. Thank you for sharing your gift.

    Carole

  9. Stacie March 13, 2008 at 12:06 pm #

    Amazing Fawn. I read through it all but could only watch the first few lines of you singing( also amazing) before I lost it. Will try again when I feel a bit stronger… but thanks for this post – although I wish NONE of us ever had to go through a miscarriage, it is so reassuring to know there are others out there who have found the strength to get through the heartbreak.

  10. heather March 14, 2008 at 10:19 am #

    I’ve just lost someone that had become a very real part of my life & future plans. I’m not the Mum but I am the Yukon Auntie…I Iove the song & hope that it brings some healing to Stacie & Ray and to all touched by this sad event.

  11. Susan Evenden March 14, 2008 at 4:54 pm #

    Thank you Fawn, that was beautiful. I hope it is a comfort to Stacie and anyone else who has suffered the loss of a child.

  12. Winluck March 15, 2008 at 4:54 pm #

    That is a very moving song, Fawn – sung with a strong and hypnotic voice. Thank you for sharing it and I look forward to hearing more of your songs.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: