Not a good sign

30 Mar

While I managed to almost have a breakdown over some imagined hint-of-pink a few weeks ago, I am doing the very opposite today. 

Today, there was no hint — I was actually bleeding.  And yet, I don’t seem to be reacting much at all.  Partly, I’m just not willing to panic yet; bleeding does not necessarily mean that this pregnancy is doomed to failure.  I’ve had a number of women tell me about their first-trimester bleeding where everything turned out just fine, and the statistics support that possibility. 

It’s probably true that part of my calmness is simply that I’m trying not to think about it too much.  I actually spent several hours this evening on the uninspiring, unrewarding, and very tiring chore of filing — a brain-numbing activity if there ever was one.

Ever since I found out I was pregnant, I’ve been waiting for the end of the month.  I have an appointment with Dr. Gudapati (a pre-natal visit) tomorrow morning, and I have an ultrasound booked for Tuesday afternoon.  This is an ultrasound that was booked before I found out I was pregnant (to follow up on some things from my annual exam) but of course I’ve been thinking it would be a good way to confirm things are going okay.  Now I really feel like I’ll be holding my breath until then.

I wonder if the serenity can last.

8 Responses to “Not a good sign”

  1. MommyTime March 31, 2008 at 6:10 am #

    Oh, my dear, I am sending you all the best things I can. I hope everything turns out well.

  2. IndyComp0T1 March 31, 2008 at 7:42 am #

    I sincerely hope from the bottom of my heart that everything works out for you. I’ll keep keep my fingers and toes crossed for you!

  3. McMommy March 31, 2008 at 10:04 am #

    Will be thinking about you today!

  4. Tine March 31, 2008 at 1:28 pm #

    I’m thinking of you, too – & I really, really wish for you & the baby to be allright !!

    Best wishes from Germany !!

    ♥ ♥ ♥

  5. Marian March 31, 2008 at 1:52 pm #

    Sending lots of love and hugs. Wish we lived closer. I’m thinking of you and waiting to hear the news after tomorrow’s untrasound. I have fingers, toes and everything else crossed!

  6. Nemmy March 31, 2008 at 3:01 pm #

    I love you. *sending good thoughts*

  7. Nita April 1, 2008 at 8:31 am #

    Keeping you in my thoughts today. (((hugs)))

  8. fawnahareo April 1, 2008 at 9:27 am #

    Thanks, everyone – your good wishes are very much appreciated. Ultrasound today at 3:00!!!

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