One week later

18 Nov

Michael and my mom are downstairs watching a movie.  Halia is having a very sleepy day, and I’ve actually had to wake her up for feedings.  It’s the perfect time to write a blog post, but I have so many thoughts in my head, I don’t know where to start.  I have 28 unread messages in my Inbox, 128 unread posts in my feed reader (and that’s after spending the last 2 hours reading).  I know I’ve got to write down the birth story before the details fade from my mind; it’s likely I’ve already forgotten lots of things.  Certainly, living with a newborn this past week has brought back many memories of Jade’s first days, details I had forgotten, like:

  • Just how floppy a newborn baby is
  • How sweet it is to have a contented baby full of milk curled up on your shoulder
  • How many facial expressions a baby has, even while asleep
  • How many of those facial expressions make me think, “She looks like a little old man!”

Halia is, so far, a very placid baby.  She does howl when we change her diaper, and she definitely did not enjoy being pricked in the heel for her PKU test, but otherwise, she cries very little.  Although she was very attached to my boobs for the first two days, since my milk has come in she’s been a great little feeder and sleeper.  I know it’s still early days, but for now I’m counting my blessings.

It’s interesting being a mother of two.  In this first week, I have found that I love my two girls differently.  I’m not feeling guilty about it and things may yet change, but I never thought I’d feel different kinds of love for my two kids.

With Jade, I felt a powerfully strong connection almost from the first moments, and I remember looking at her and having such intense feelings of love that it made me cry.  I often still feel that way, like the other night when she couldn’t sleep and I climbed into her big girl bed with her and she hugged me so hard I almost couldn’t breathe.

With Halia, I have more of a feeling of tenderness and protectiveness.  It’s not that I don’t love her as much, but it’s somehow a gentler love.  I mentioned this to Heather at one of her follow-up visits and she said this is something she often hears from second-time moms.  Like we’ve learned how to survive that crazy, intense love the first time around and are somehow more sensible with the next one.

Am I going to get into trouble for saying that out loud? in print?

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7 Responses to “One week later”

  1. Mr Lady November 18, 2008 at 11:05 pm #

    Sounds like you’ve got it just about right, actually. Welcome to the world of two, baby.

  2. Jenny November 19, 2008 at 4:40 am #

    Isn’t it amazing how just one extra little body in the house can cause so much extra laundry!
    My husband says the same thing about the 1st and 2nd baby, I think it’s just we relax more with the 2nd, aren’t afraid we’re going to break it, can actually let them lay by themselves and not have to carry them 24/7! you won’t get in trouble for saying it out loud, just don’t write it down in their baby book!

  3. Jackie S. Quire November 19, 2008 at 6:01 am #

    Maybe your teenage kids would find that upsetting, but your adult ones might find it downright beautiful. I think it was a wonderful sentiment, and not a thing wrong with it 🙂

  4. Kara November 19, 2008 at 6:34 am #

    Sounds fine to me!! And keep blogging about life with 2 for sure. I am going to need all the advice I can get.

  5. Asheya November 19, 2008 at 7:08 pm #

    I get what you are saying. I think I experienced something like that too. I remember when Eowyn was first born I knew I loved her, but my intense connection with Elias and understanding of who he is felt so much deeper than what I was feeling for this little person I barely knew.

    As the months have gone on I have definitely found that my relationship with my two children is different, but no less powerful for each one. Of course, Elias is walking, talking, and getting into mischief so he is in a very different stage than Eowyn! It will be interesting to see how our relationships grow and change as they get older.

  6. Dad November 21, 2008 at 8:54 am #

    Perfectly normal 🙂 You are more blasé by the time the second one rolls around. Wait til you have the 12th, by then you’ll have the routine down pat. The poor first one is the one that one does most of the experimenting on with various upbringing methods. You know, the first one is the trial object – the second one benefits from the fact that eventually you find out that most of what you do in your upbringing has diddly squat to do with how they turn out in the end. There is a huge amount of luck involved in that. If you give them a loving and caring home and reasonable standards, you are doing all you can – the rest is in God’s hands.

  7. bubble&squeak December 9, 2008 at 11:54 pm #

    I am so much more experienced as a mother-of-two than I was as a mother-of-one.
    I’m sure the kids know it too. It was the hardest thing that I ever did – caring for Baby #1 but two has been a breeze and the dynamics of having another child around has made motherhood so much more wonderful.
    It took me the courage to work up having another child and I waited a full five years all the while thinking I was a failed mum. It took the lonliness of my eldest at a playground that cemented the fact that we well and truly needed a second child.

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