Wise friends

3 Oct
Oh, you are wonderful!  Thank you so much for all your messages of love and support, for your encouragement and your prayers, and for just being there.  Your words are a soothing balm to my bruised soul.
I am amazed at your collective wisdom.  A small sample:
  • Reminders to take one day at a time, that I’m not alone in how I feel, that parenting is tough for the best of us. 
  • One friend told me that she finds inspiration in reading Psalms, knowing they were written by people “who have suffered but triumphed over their difficulties”. 
  • Another friend mentioned that she has also been telling herself to “love thy neighbour, love thy neighbour, love thy neighbour… through gritted teeth!” 
  • Someone gently pointed out that I am at high risk for depression, with high stress and lack of sleep contributing to a very real physical toll and potential biochemical imbalances.  Which is a good reminder to be kinder to myself, isn’t it?

I also got some practical suggestions for things like a good local therapist, using a sunlamp, taking time out for myself.  I have such wise and fabulous friends!

I’m not sure just what exactly I’m going to do, but something has to change.  Besides the horrible low points, I know that the emotional roller coaster has affected my memory.  This week I forgot to give Jade one night-time dose of Clonazepam, which theoretically might not be such a bad thing, but we’re already weaning her off her morning dose.  It’s a highly-addictive drug, so screwing up right now is dangerous to Jade’s seizure control.  (Withdrawal also makes Jade very emotional, which doesn’t help me in any way!) (And in case you didn’t know, Clonazepam is related to Valium.  You’ll be glad to know I haven’t actually taken any myself yet!)

Anyway, for today I very much feel lifted up by your love and prayers, and I thank you.  Tomorrow is Sunday, a day of rest.  Like all mothers, I’ll have to continue with the everyday work of parenting, of course.  But I will take the time to be grateful, to reflect on my blessings, to thank God for them, and for you.


3 Responses to “Wise friends”

  1. Opa October 4, 2009 at 1:45 am #

    Wow, I think when you are around Jade every day you probably don’t notice the huge developmental strides she is taking every hour of her life.

    Mom and I were amazed last night at her attention span, her responsiveness, her interaction, her vocabulary and her ability to use logic naturally.

    I don’t know whether recognizing a toy Canada Post mailbox for what it is over a grainy, 7100 air km distance, skype picture and calling it by its name is the epitome of intellectual achievement for a 3-year old, but considering where she has come from and her monosyllabic communications style of a few weeks ago, it is still quite a miracle. Recognizing cats and dogs is one thing, but an abstract object like a mailbox (I am not even sure whether modern Canada Post mailboxes in Whitehorse look like those old-fashioned Toronto jobbies), which has little connection with a child’s immediate sphere of concern, is quite another.

    And the fact that she will turn her Caillou book around so it faces away from her towards the webcam and the people on the other end of the cyber-conversation shows a degree of logical reasoning she would not have been capable of just a few weeks ago. You could ask her to move it up, you could ask her to move it down, so we could see better, and she would do it.

    This is really amazing, Fawn. Big virtual hug.

    Dad / Opa

  2. Reid M. October 4, 2009 at 6:42 pm #

    Well, I know it’s a terrible deep hole that you are in. You don’t need anyone to tell you how tyrannical seizures are. Even when they aren’t there, their possibility is looming like an ambush. I read your recent posts and just had to offer this feedback. Evan was put on the 5:1 ratio for a short time (2-4 weeks?). It’s on our blog somewhere. Anyway, in his case, I don’t think it helped a whole lot. I remember how sobering it was to think about going on 5:1 though. The second thing I wanted to comment on was the Klonopin. We were on Klonopin for about 1.5 years. We noticed that Evan would have a seizure within 5-10 minutes after taking his Klonopin wafer. Our current neurologist (with speciality in Doose) told us that Klonopin (and Dilantin) should not be used with Doose syndrome patients. She has no doubts about this. Our local drs. just used Klonopin as a “let’s try this” kind of thing…in my opinion. But, it was not right in our case, and Lord knows how many seizures were caused by this during that 1.5 years. Anyway, I don’t mean to meddle, but just wanted to throw that out there.
    Personally, I have found that reading the Psalms, Jonathan Edwards’ “Altogether Lovely”, and “Suffering and the Sovereignty of God” to be tremendous encouragements during the suffering associated with the onslaught of seizures on our defensiveless son. There were and still are many days when I just be crushed emotionally on the inside. Prayer is such an encouragement to me.

    We will pray for you and your dear daughter.
    May God pour out His abundant blessings on you.
    -Reid and Lori


  1. 2009 in review: the cop-out « Fawnahareo’s Place - January 3, 2010

    […] Oh, you are wonderful! […]

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