My blurry hindsight

13 Dec

Yesterday Halia woke up from her nap before Jade did. She wasn’t interested in having a snack right away, so I grabbed a ball, sat her down on the floor and rolled it to her. She giggled. I told her to roll it back to me. And she did. I rolled it back to her, and she was nearly hysterical with the fun of this new game.

I thought back to Jade at this age, 13 months old. I remembered that at the time I had read a child of one should be able to follow basic instructions to play this game. And I seem to remember that Jade didn’t. She did learn eventually, of course, and I wasn’t one for worrying about milestones. Jade had sat up on her own at 5 months! If other things were slower, well, that’s just the normal variation we see from kids, right?

Three years later, things seem hazier. Nanuq, our dog, never wanted Jade to touch him. We ascribed this to jealousy. But he’s great with her now and he’s always been good with Halia. Since there are dogs who can detect seizures, it’s a small step to imagine that there was always something “off” with Jade that Nanuq could sense. Halia’s already started saying a few words, short ones like “Mumumum” (for me) and “da” for done. I already know that Jade’s language development was always behind. And even her darned teeth were slow to come in!

So, were there signs? Did Jade’s epilepsy really start at age two, or was there always something going on, from birth?

Really, it doesn’t matter. Knowing this wouldn’t make an ounce of difference.

But some days, I can’t help but wonder.


7 Responses to “My blurry hindsight”

  1. Opa December 13, 2009 at 11:50 pm #

    Since no one has the courage to comment on this one, I will break the ice. Your observations are probably accurate and match the “view from outside”. The engineer in me says, by extension of logic, Jade is bound to live to the ripe old age of 199

  2. allmycke December 14, 2009 at 2:45 am #

    You’re probably right, but for Pete’s sake don’t blame yourself for not picking up on those signs…

  3. Jenny December 14, 2009 at 6:23 am #

    Although Naomi’s neuros have said there’s no way she’s had this since birth or she would be one sick kiddo! I still remember twice when she woke and I went to her crib she was breathing fine but there was something going on. I described it to her pediatrician like Naomi had forgotten she was out of the womb. It was just odd and I only saw it twice but I’ll always wonder.
    Naomi hit her milestone right on target and her seizures did start at 17 months but she would say a few words and I even remember her saying “Isaiah” when we were at the library and she saw him walking towards us. It was plain as day. But she may well have been behind in speech.
    Bill’s side of the family has it’s fair share of speech delayed kids though. He talked to our 9 yr old niece on the phone this week and when he got off he said “She’s mush mouthed, you can’t understand what she says”. That describes more than one kid in that family! So what’s genetics and whats seizures?????

  4. Barbara December 14, 2009 at 4:14 pm #

    If you were less healthy you might use these doubts to beat-up on yourself. I’m betting you are very healthy and not inclined to dwell on the doubt.

    Explaining the reason for seizures is not common in medical practice, but you might try to get some more information from Jade’s MD. (For Jenny, it is either genetics or injury – both broad.)

    I think if she had had a seizure before age 2, you would have seen it. Or, you can ask the MD if she could have had seizures that were not noticeable before age 2. If you think that will help ease your doubts.

    Broadly and commonly, children who develop seizures have other developmental issues. Children who have developmental issues and develop seizures had the propensity for both from birth.

  5. Cristina December 14, 2009 at 6:28 pm #

    Well, in hindsight all those non-stop hiccups Bertrand was having in utero (and out) were all probably myoclonic seizures. Everyone assured us hiccups were normal. Even hiccups that don’t stop for months?!?! Eh. Live and learn.

    It’s a good thing we keep blogs now. I swear that writing all this stuff down helps me remember. I want to print out a nice copy of our blog to bind and put with Bertrand’s baby book. Sort of odd, but hey, I am odd. 🙂

    And, I believe he’ll be alive and able to read it some day! 🙂

    • Fawn Fritzen December 14, 2009 at 11:10 pm #

      Hope and faith are wonderful things! Did you know that there are a number of companies out there whose whole business is printing out and binding blogs? I can’t remember offhand the names of any of them, but I can dig them up. You can select the layout and where you want to put pictures on the pages, etc. and they work with all the major blogging platforms, including Blogger. I’ve been thinking it would be a good idea to do one every year. But I haven’t done it yet, of course…!

  6. Idania December 17, 2009 at 10:01 am #

    I felt the same way about Jillian-her first tooth was at 15 months! Makes you wonder if there was any connection…???

    We’ve also noticed a difference between diet and her speech. She’s getting bloodwork done today to see if she’s got a reaction to gluten.

    It must have been a huge relief to see Halia developing on time…I swear I freak out a bit every time Susan’s distracted and doesn’t look at me in the eye…I hope my nerves calm down eventually!

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