Heartless

7 Jan

I finally got our Christmas tree out the door today.  We undecorated it a few days ago, but it took until today to get the decorations all boxed up and get the tree unscrewed out of the base, which is a two-person job, especially with kids around. 

The darn thing was so dried up, it lost half its needles on its way out of the house, so of course vacuuming was the next step.  I couldn’t figure out why Halia kept coming up to me and crying in an anguished way, sounding very upset but clearly not afraid of the vacuum.

I mentioned it to Michael when he came home late this evening.  He said, “I think Halia really liked the tree.  She was always going in there and looking at the lights and playing with the ornaments.”

Of course!  She was upset because I took the tree away.  What child doesn’t cry when you take away a toy she wants?  I felt absolutely heartless when I realized I’d said to her impatiently, “What?  What the heck is wrong with you?!”  It’s so hard to remember how much she is aware of.  Because she is still mostly non-verbal, it’s hard to remember that she has some pretty sophisticated thoughts and feelings.  And might even miss the Christmas tree.

Don’t worry, Halia.  We’ll get another one next year.

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7 Responses to “Heartless”

  1. allmycke January 8, 2010 at 3:03 am #

    I’m sure I would’ve sounded just as annoyed in the same situation, not giving the child credit for being a thinking and feeling individual. Luckily they seem to forget little sorrows of that kind very fast!

  2. Captain Momma January 8, 2010 at 12:27 pm #

    Aww! That’s so cute that she missed the tree and was sad for it’s departure! Don’t feel so bad, it’s hard to think like a toddler! And yes, we are blessed that most kids don’t remember these tiny sad bits of life 🙂

  3. Karen MEG January 9, 2010 at 4:35 pm #

    Boy are you ever organized – I’m looking at all the Christmas stuff that has to come down … and I’m actually a bit sad to do it too :(.

    I’ve been exploring your blog a bit, Fawn, it’s great! I don’t know why I haven’t been around before (or maybe I have and I’ve forgotten – I am getting old). It’s wonderful, reading about your life with your beautiful family up in Northern Canada eh…glad that Jade’s epilepsy is being managed by diet. I’ll have to admit, my curiosity was peaked by reading that your background is German/Chinese (which kids also are, although my husband and I are Canadian born and bred).

    Very nice to “meet” you.. I’ll definitely be back! A happy 2010 to you!

  4. Cristina January 9, 2010 at 9:26 pm #

    Bertrand is FASCINATED by the lights on our trees, and as much as I’d like to say *that’s* why they’re still up, the truth is I am being lazy. I’ve found a million ways to procrastinate! Maybe *I* am the one really fascinated with their lights? 🙂

    Happy 2010!

    Oh, and your comment about the 5:1 ratio helping Jade’s tonics has instigated me to stage a keto revolt. We are upping B’s ratio before ANY more meds are increased OR added! What does it hurt to TRY?! Why are doctors so quick to prescribe toxic levels of medicines and so reluctant to give biology a chance? 😦

    • fawnahareo January 9, 2010 at 10:21 pm #

      We went to 5:1 at the end of October and for a month Jade gagged or vomited at least once a day. I hoped that things would calm down if given time, and it did… for about a week. Then she started gagging and vomiting again, napping every day again, getting pale, and her hands were freezing all the time. Plus her lips would turn blue for no reason (she wasn’t cold, she was in a good mood, etc) and then be fine again five minutes later. We thought maybe she was anemic.

      When we had her blood done on Monday, her ferritin was fine, but her liver enzymes were sky-high, a sign of liver damage or injury. That, along with the other symptoms caused the keto team to decide that she was too ketotic and they immediately decreased her ratio… all the way back down to 4:1. It took us a looong time to work our way up to 5:1 (we did 4.5:1 first, and then 4.75:1), so this feels like a huge jump down. We’re nervous, worried that we’ve heard her gasp over the monitor and that the tonic seizures are back. But her liver enzymes are starting to come down and we have to deal with that for sure. At least her appetite is a little better.

      I’ve been meaning to blog about all this stuff, anyway, but haven’t got around to it. It feels like a lot of work trying to make it understandable for people who aren’t doing the diet every day!

  5. Barbara January 11, 2010 at 7:06 pm #

    And I thought you were leading up to poor Halia getting needles stuck in her hands and knees while she crawled on them (I know – she’s walking, right?)

    Don’t feel so bad about taking the tree away from her. And we just finished the Christmas exit on Saturday, the 9th. (But you were heartless….) 😉

  6. Scientific Chick January 12, 2010 at 12:24 pm #

    “It feels like a lot of work trying to make it understandable for people who aren’t doing the diet every day!”

    I know how that feels. 🙂 That’s why I only manage to post once a week. Haha

    Hope the new ratio is panning out.

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