28 Feb

Yep, it shore is quiet ’round here.

At least the sound of crickets is relaxing, right?

I’ve really been struggling lately with balance and energy and feeling like I suck at everything right now.  I feel like I’m not doing a good job of anything these days, not as an employee, a wife, a mother, a performer, a pet owner, a friend . . . or as a blogger, for that matter.  I’m doing an adequate job of most things, most days, a terrible job of some things, some days.  And until I figure out what I’m going to change to make my life work better, there is no extra for anything right now.  Hence the quiet.

There are only 15 minutes left in the month of February, and then it will be March.  You know what March is, right?  In Canada, it’s Epilepsy Awareness Month.  So tomorrow, I shall don purple (the colour for epilepsy awareneness).  And I shall finally share with you a little bit of the story of the beautiful soul I knew as Jesse.

I know I will find a way to fight my way back to the light of day.  I sure do appreciate you sticking around.  The only thing that improves the sound of crickets is good company to share it with.

6 Responses to “Crickets”

  1. Nemmy March 1, 2011 at 9:33 am #

    I like crickets.

    And though I doubt it will help (because sometimes we just need to feel what we are feeling), I don’t think anyone could read about what you do as a parent (or watch a video of you performing, for that matter) and say you suck at any of it. Your so-called “mediocre” effort is still heads and shoulders above other people’s best efforts… so give yourself a break, a hug, and a pat on the back, because you are too hard on yourself.

    So there.


  2. Sylvia March 1, 2011 at 10:37 am #

    Hey there…you light up my life whenever I see you! I really enjoyed the Queen’s Ball, and you know, you were the only person that acknowledged me in that entire place (maybe it was the way I was dressed, but hey, it was Rendezvous, aren’t you supposed to dress for the occasion?)!…you have a beautiful spirit Fawn. Will you be at the Jazz in the Hall on Thursday?

  3. Norm March 1, 2011 at 10:40 am #

    Perhaps you are experiencing some “will winter never end” doldrums Fawn. I trust that as the light re-appears and the days begin to warm up you will feel more energized. Remember, you have experienced a lot over the past while and probably need this respite.

    I read your touching post on Jesse and can empathize with having memories causing one to sink deep into self and question things. I believe this is one of the experiences that allows us to grow.

    Take care,

  4. Scientific Chick March 1, 2011 at 10:45 am #

    Fawn, doing an adequate job in all those roles you mentioned sounds like achieving more in a day then most people I know.

    Sometimes you just have to roll with everything until the skies clear up.

    Good luck!

  5. Marianne Fritzen March 1, 2011 at 2:37 pm #

    Hallo, darling, es kann nie so schlimm kommen, wie man denkt.Manchmal allerdings kommt es schlimmer! Überlege mal: 5 Kinder im Haus, einen großen Garten, ein Haus (wie viel Betten habe ich in einem Jahr gemacht??? Ich habe es mal zählen wollen, habe es aber aufgegeben.) Heute denke ich – wenn es geht – an die employee in Toronto-Flughafen, die mir sagte, als ich kurz vor dem Heulen war:” Oh, Madam, just take it easy and have a cup of coffee!” Und als ich den Kaffee getrunken hatte und wieder an den Schalter von British Airways ging, war mein Gepäck da!!! Manchmal hilft auch ein wenig Verzweifung. Hat Dich Deine Schwester früher nicht mal “Miss perfekt” genannt? Das “perfekt” im Haushalt habe ich längst aufgegeben. Es gibt Wichtigeres.
    So: Lass Dich umarmen

  6. Tine March 2, 2011 at 9:26 am #

    I agree with Nemmy that you’re probably doing a GREAT job most of the time 🙂 , but still pitched your own expectations even higher – & even if there really WERE times you’re NOT doing a good job of some things: Don’t forget how much you have to cope with every single day, taking care of 02 little ones, worrying & doing everything within your power to find the right treatment & support for Jade, keeping a house & 02 pets, dealing bravely & creatively with food allergies, holding a job, … Geeez – it’s already exhausting just to list all those things !!

    Sending best wishes & lots of energy your way !!

    ♥ ♥ ♥

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